


An Unaccounted Misadventure Of a Bunch Of Random People

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Malfunctioned sburb session?, Mentioned Beta Kids - Freeform, Mostly a chatfic but also some third person narration, Other, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Sporadic updates for no reason, Swearing, adding tags as I go, i dont know what im doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24242155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A narrative being written from the conversation of a random group of people and their perspectives of an unaccounted event that was slowly transpiring, hitting the metaphorical fan and that which they did not pay any heed to as it were rather strange to actually pay any attention to something so eerily disturbing.Or a bunch of pesterlogs, memos, and, possibly, monologues concerning the events that occurred in different yet similar setting to the cult classic webcomic Homestuck.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chaos in the Memo at Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> Not my first try in writing a fic but be advised that the quality of writing may vary from time to time ranging from "craptastic" to "somewhat decent".
> 
> Also I don't remember how pesterlogs work so let's just chalk up the future mistypes as "features of alternate world" cuz I'm too lazy to come up with something original.

\-- tyrannyOsmosis [TO] responded to memo WEEABOO INTERNATIONAL ORGYNISATION at 24:59 --

TO: okay so what's up with the guys and gals of this huge dump?

TO: which one of you chucklefucks send me some sort of meme or anything while I was out maybe something like I dunno a fuckin yiff meme?

\-- justifiablyFurry [JF] responded to memo at 02:45 --

JF: is it the one with donkey making shrek eat his excrement before farting a rainbow in his face and flying away in the most ridiculous way possible by not being able to move diagonally and having to move up and forward two feet for around five seconds?

JF: if you haven't seen that one then don't even bother asking me Baka.

TO:... dude i just asked who sent me furry vore porn what have you been smoking can you give me sauce or what?

JF: McLain I am very disappointed in you for having thought that I, a clean and completely healthy boi, would ever be kind and giving enough to actually give the sauce. If you're mad about the yiff then don't come to me. My handle literally has furry in it but come on now that's just unreasonable discrimination. The injustice is just crazy. Like it flew off the fuckin side of the road and decided that, no, it don't need to be around and get the sauciest of sauce from anyone if it's not able to absolutely destroy the furry alliance of the west wing like the sugoi form of racism that it is.

\-- ponderingFigaro [PF] responded to memo at 3:49 --

PF: argshsoneucowpcn would you just shut up Aiden!?!?

PF: I don't need to hear you go off on another rant about furry rights in the middle of the night for the third time this week!!!

TO: bruh

JF: bruh

PF: aughhhhhhhhhhhhh okay screw it. Not like I needed to sleep like an actual human being for once in my entirely shitty life. This should even be normal to me by now!

JF: good for you Joan you finally accepted your true self and embraced the cold hard truth of being a part of the weeaboo committee. You are now baptized in the sweat and tears of hentai boys and their yaoi juices, seeping into every pore of your skin, every hole in your being, completing the gaps in your personality that you didn't even know were there. Welcome Joan, into the fold.

TO: *claps to the choir clap clappity claps* yeet ur now officially a weeb ccongrats.

TO: and thats two cs there to show you just how lucky you are to be a part of our community of sick ass paedos, lifeless trolls, and awesome gaymers. all the rainbows are officially accessible to you. your eyes opened we can finally begin the soul sacrificicial ritual!

JF: don't listen to her Joan. The gay is strong on our side. Let her non homosexual drivel enter one ear and exit from your ass like the pile of shit that it is. The fold welcomes all for one day it shall consume everything in existence and we will all become one with the animes. Our lord and saviour, Sasuke shall guide us with his love for naruto and with his edgelord prowess our community will destroy all those who try to put up a fight against the might of our weeaboo empire. All will fall.

TO: *and cue evil laugh with lighting passing by the window behind JF into the dim room where he confronts the protagonist* perfect! just proved exactly my point. everyone!

JF: okay I'll just do the mature thing here and reply with a good natured "No U" and do us both the favor of shushing us both so that PFs able to tell us how happy and grateful she is for us having her.

JF:...

TO:...

PF: -_- I can't even

PF: i just wanted to freaking sleep... I wanted to rest my overly stressed out head and relax.

JF:"but instead I get given this huge heaping steaming load of fully organic bull manure and you pretty much just shoved it whole down my throat. Fisting the insides of my mouth and clogging up my windpipe with shit. I can't believe I even joined this group." Was what you were gonna say right?

PF: evey single letter right down to the meaning. glad to know you understand just how sick you're making me feel and how much I regret having joined this group memo.

TO: glad that that's all settled now but since weve up and finished that whole ordeal I just want to remind you guys of my original question. who the fuck sent me yiff vore porn.

PF: no no more just shut up McLain. Just shut up okay. No one knows about anything. And no one sent you shit. Just shut up and at least let me be at peace for five.fucking.minutes.

TO: you are underestimating the amount of shit I got from my bro and his friends when I was showing them my inbox full of terabytes worth of successfully pirated games. it was hells of embarrassing getting all of the respect I worked hard for gone the moment one of you asshats decided to send me that shit. 

TO: no laughing happened. just indifferent stares of disappointment that dug right under my skin. my bro even shook his head in disgust at it. at me!

TO: I think he even disowned me. seriously though the moment I was gonna get approved for the gang and get like tons of respect from big bro and his boys I get fuckin kicked off the ledge...

JF: that is one hell of a good entry for top 10 anime betrayals. good work McLain you did us good. with this we can finally expand our community even further. your sacrifice won't be in vain and we will always remember you.

JF: *salutes* Fs in the chat for our fallen brethren.

PF: hey aiden this is serious. Could you not be jackass for a bit and actually listen to TO here??

JF: I ain't that far up my own ass yet so stop pushing that one stick up yours already and chill out. you ain't the only one concerned here. oh and sorry about keeping you up. I keep forgetting that you literally have a mental condition that makes it difficult for you to remember the times me and the chat told you that there was a mute option. I sincerely apologize. I'm sorry if I was acting like I had a bad day like I do every day of my life being stuck in a hospital and having to say every damn word to my special voice automated computer.

JF: TuT boohoo I'm crying rich crippled boi tears for hurting your oh so miserable lives boohoohoo

JF: I was being sarcastic about the crying bit if you couldn't tell from my oh so charismatic acting. Acting that which you plebs wouldn't even be able to imitate even if you were as rich as I was before getting completely run over by a bus. After I was tossed under said bus in the most literal manner possible.

TO: you done crying yet?

JF: yep

TO: not that I didn't enjoy listening to you go on and cry about your sad excuse of a life but I am glad that we all had a sort of opening up to each other and whatnot but we didn't need to hear your life story furry. all I needed was to know which idiot it was who called upon my godly wrath.

JF: you do know cyber bullying is something you could be charged with right?

TO: half of what my family does is ILLEGAL AS SHIT so of course I couldn't be bothered to give a damn about some lawsuit from a pansy who decided to bring about their own end.

PF: okay okay okay that's enough. Its almost morning now. You two have been going at it all this time while I was downstairs eating a tub of ice cream. Just calm down the both of you and please just log off already!!

TO: not before I make the one responsible for me getting my ass disowned by my bro pay. And I'm not just gonna hack their PC I'm going to blow up everything from their electronics to their TV and literally anything else I can blow up just to show them just how powerful of an enemy they made.

JF: you know what I think that I've just about had enough of indulging you. I'm gonna be logging off and opening my folder full of highly valuable yiff porn as I jerk my imaginary dick off with my imaginary hand. Cuz I'm a cripple.

justifiablyFurry [JF] has ceased responding to memo at 04:58 --

TO: blarghhh this was a complete waste of my time. but beware you clowns. i aint just gonna lie down and forget about what one of you asshats did. logging off losers.

tyrannyOsmosis [TO] has ceased responding to memo at 04:59 --

PF: well they finally got off each others throats... huh... Rather peaceful now. And its just about morning now...weirdly.

PF: welcome dawns light. May you shine upon us wary souls of the night.

\-- sunlitDawn [SD] responded to memo at 05:00 --

SD: Hello Joan! :'D how ya been?

PF: been worse but I feel like I could just about collapse onto my bed right now

SD: Good morning to you too! I'm guessing I wouldn't want to know what was going on earlier?

PF: no no you wouldn't.

SD: oof well then. You go and have a good sleep now dear~

PF: cool cool. Nighty night mom

\-- ponderingFigaro [PF] has ceased responding to memo at 05:06 --


	2. Audacity of the 12y/o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breaking News about a meteor hitting a household in maple valley. No I swear this is an alternate earth so this doesn't involve sburb. At least I like to think so but...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone actually reading this bland thing congrats you read it in the span of a few minutes. That's it.

**2 : New Message(s)**

**10:35 a** **.m**

 **Sender:** _Emma Friedman_

 **Topic:** _Hey Cous, it's me_

 **Reciever:** _Joan Socrates_

Hey Joan I'm gonna be sending you this message regardless of whether or not you're awake because I'm well aware that you haven't been sleeping all that much these days and although I'm concerned about that I am pretty sure I need more of the sleep that you've been getting cuz I've been awake since this morning. What does that have to do with me messaging you? a lot of stuff. But first I just wanted to say that I've missed you so so so sooooo much lil cousin. I've been wanting to get together with you and some of our other relatives for quite a while now and the only time we've all actually met was ten years ago! Man our parents haven't really been communicating with each other lately and I think that's one of the reasons we haven't had a family get together in forever! I've been meaning to catch up with you and everyone else and have a nice long chat about our days as we all grow and all that boring stuff that our parents want to talk with us about when they actually feel like talking and sharing their feelings. Anyhow I'm now on TV. Or on the News to be specific. But also not really??

* * *

**10:39 a.m**

**Sender:** _Emma Friedman_

 **Topic:** _Turn the TV on_

 **Receiver:** _Joan Socrates_

My actual intention really was to check on you and catch up but that changed when a meteor hit the house a few streets away from ours. Man it was so loud like I actually felt like my ears broke. There was a slight tremor but it ended quickly. After that I saw a huge mushroom cloud somewhere outside and went ahead to get a better look. It hit one of the houses, specifically the Egbert household. The one house with that dorky boy we played with on your first visit. Their house was just gone. There's been no sighting of him or his dad from the recent search and rescue. They haven't found any bodies though. Well I mean a meteor did just wipe out the entire house from the ground up. Doubt there'd be anything left of it other than pipes jutting out of the ground all melted and stuff. Basically what I'm telling you is that its on the news and I was lucky enough to get caught in the camera as they interviewed our neighbor next door. Like seriously Joan please answer me!.... :(

* * *

**10:48 a.m**

**Sender:** _Joan Socrates_

 **Topic: Re:** _Turn the TV on_

 **Receiver:** _Emma Friedman_

okay just chill. I've been awake since last night and I only got to sleep around 5am. First off seriously Emma!?? Why??? Why even?? Like okay sure there was just a meteor that destroyed your neighbor's house and possibly him and his dad, but come on Emma. Please don't tell me you just dabbed on live camera. Please tell me that you were just blocking your nose from the smoke. I can't even begin to comprehend just how ridiculous the people around me are. One of my friends is the daughter of crime lord who can do ridiculously dangerous things with just her phone, the other is crippled boy who's so rich that he was able to still be online with all the special treatment that he gets even after having almost all of his bones broken by a bus, and now my cousin who had the audacity to dab on live camera that was airing on every news network. The subject of which is the likelihood of two people being dead having been inside the house that was struck by a meteor. And you also did the floss. I'm facepalming so hard right now I've actually gone on ahead decided to bang my head on the wall next to my bed in frustration. You are just... Okay so are you sure you're safe there? I just wanna know if you need anything maybe I can ask mom to invite both you and aunt Wanda over for the meantime while they make sure your location is safe. And yes I missed you too but having been given summer homework due to my class having pissed off our Literature Teacher enough to have her make us do a book report every weekend, Via mail, is just enough to have me wishing I was just in a different class. Or that maybe our teacher noticed my good behavior and excepted me. So yeah I'm sorry about not having been able to talk with you for a while there. Anyways I hope you're safe there and that there's not gonna be any more meteors in the immediate future. Also my friends on Pesterchum are just going crazy about the meteor incident. Well crazy in a sense that their all weirdos and their all making up crackpot theories about the end of the world and some such nonsense. Well not really everyone in the memo. Some of them actually saw what you were doing and laughed their ass off at you doing a fortnite dance during an emergency situation. And again, on live camera being aired across hundreds of thousands of devices and other multimedia outlet. Congrats Emma you got handed the title "Audacious 12y/o". And no I know you're 17 and all but even I had to agree with the weeaboo council about your new title. I told em I knew who you were and they paid me bitcoins just to tell you that. *clap clap cclap* there's an extra c there just show you how lucky you are.

* * *

**10:57 a.m**

**Sender:** _Emma Friedman_

 **Topic: Re: Re:** _Turn the TV on_

 **Receiver:** _Joan Socrate_

 _Um_.... Thanks??? I mean _I'm very honored to be given a title by the great and powerful council_ of no lifers who watch anime all day.

* * *

**10:57 a.m**

**Sender:** _Joan Socrate_

 **Topic: Re: Re: Re:** _Turn the TV on_

 **R** **eceiver:** _Emma Friedman_

*snrk* you're welcome 12y/o.

Anyways if you wanna talk some more just tell me. But wait for a bit cuz I haven't actually got up properly. I need to eat, washup, get dressed and all that so just wait for a bit and we'll talk again later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this here's where I take a small timeskip to either a few weeks or a few days. Which one I'll choose I don't know cuz I'm not really putting much effort in writing this "story"


	3. The Council of High Geeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memo, buncha weebs, Joan is the only sort of normal one, two days since last Meteor Incident, and a couple more random characters I just made up on the fly, and two more meteor strikes.

\-- admiralMisogynist [AM] opened memo on board WEEABOO INTERNATIONAL ORGYNISATION at 13:42 --

AM: Hear me my acolytes of anime. I come bearing the news of TWO MORE meteors falling from the sky.

AM: It is with great displeasure that I announce to you that our impending doom shall be trials that we will be given in order to prove our Faith in the God and Animes that we worship. For it is through the coming end shall we be tested and in those coming days we shall prove to the world that the weeaboos are the superior race amongst all!

\-- ponderingFigaro [PF] responded to memo at 13:44 --

PF: oh for God's sakes would you guys cut that cultist bullcrap out already!?

\-- JustifiablyFurry [JF] responded to memo at 13:45 --

JF: no no he's got a point you see

PF: I'm starting to think that this whole group memo is literally just a gathering of the mentally challenged. I mean no offense to anyone who's actually got serious difficulties with their mental faculty, but this whole group memo is filled with memers, legitimate criminals, online trolls. Heck even the admin is proving himself a nutcase with all this cult bs.

AM: yeah well as admin I say that it's rather hypocritical of you to refer to the lot of us mentally challenged individuals when out of all of us here you're the one who's taking this whole thing too seriously and keep forgetting that the whole purpose of this memo was for us "friends" to get along and have fun making shitposts and just bring overly sarcastic a lot of the time. Remember when we last told you about the mute option?

AM: oh right three days ago. Specifically when JF told you about it in the middle of his ridiculous morning argument with a heated up TO. Remember that or did your brain make another mistake of neuronic mismatching and you got amnesia again? Honestly I might as well call it Alzheimers. More fitting isn't it?

PF: dude wtf... I was just getting tired of all this cult shit. I only wanted my regularly scheduled anime theories.

AM: hey you're the one who brought it up in the first place so shut the hell up. As admin I order you to either shut up and take in all this bullshit sarcasm because you signed up for this and knew that it was always going to be like this or I can ban you permanently. And if you obey my order you would completely shut up for half an hour.

JF: well that whole thing happened. But yeah like I was saying preach be the animes. For our salvation and ascension. Long live the weeaboos who will bring about the destruction of all who oppose the holy order.

\-- sunlitDawn [SD] responded to memo at 13:47 --

SD: Well what seems to be the issue here. Why is it that AM gave a lecture to Joan?

SD: And what is this "imminent end of days" hullabaloo?

JF: Joan's Alzheimer's was acting up again. Apparently she forgot that our group memos were mostly sarcastic satirical bullcrap and that she also forgot that she herself had a mental condition

JF: Harshed AMs vibe and had him give her a stern lecturing about the importance of scrolling up or keeping notes when you know about your memory problems yet somehow not find a way to cope with it. Anyhow she got a time out for half an hour for being moody again

SD: Oh dangit Joan. Well I'm sorry for what she said and I really hope nothing like this happens again.

SD: it's very unpleasant to see you guys fighting. Considering how TO's usually the wilder one of our party isn't even online at the moment it's becoming more and more concerning.

JF: yeah well this whole shitpost memo is usually more chill but lately these meteors be making everybody frisky

AM: nah. It's never been chill. Now I'll admit that what I said was kind of mean but that didn't exactly make what I said any less true.

AM: Joan if I didn't know any better you're on your period and are having a hormonal imbalance that's affecting the way your brain processes your emotions and the things that you're reading.

AM: (I'm extending you my olive branch here. Take it in silence and just wait until all the saccharine bull is all offloaded and your half hour time out is done before you respond)

SD: well this is all just too silly a ruckus. And all that for joan complaining about the your silly little escapades :/

JF: well please pardon our small huddle here for having a small quite needed conversation about certain issues. But yeah back to the preaching of Anime

AM: ah yes indeed. Back to our peaceful fucking preaching of the only salvation of humankind that is the animes. The moans and grunts of every hot neko girls and anime protags who fight side by side as they rise up against the odds shall be the music that our voices will singeth along with. Just like them, we shall overcome this great travesty of viral epidemic and meteor showers through worshipping the animes and God.

\-- travelingEpidemic [TE] responded to memo at 14:13 --

TE: did anyone call for me?

AM: nope. No calls for the flirtuitous clown. None of us active here have explicitly called for you.

TE: aw... but boo I thought you said my handle~ 0u0

SD: oh why yes. It does seem like that doesn't it joan?

PF: oh so I can respond again?

SD: *nudges PF slightly* :)

PF: I mean yeah definitely. Looks like AM did say his handle. I mean he was referring to something else but I guess either way we've invited him here..

AM: wow joan. Right after I gave you my mercy too. You really want to challenge my authority do you?

SD: Now calm down there Admiral. She was only sharing her part to my contributed answer to TE's question. And besides she did say that you were referring to something else, didn't she?

JF: well she did say that you were referring to something more important. reminder about the preaching. Admiral, you planning on continuing that still?

TE: so you guys were talking about the meteors raining down lately without me :? I'm very hurt admiral. I seriously thought higher of you but it looks like you really didn't care about my heart after all...U_U

JF: yo bro you having a gay affair here without letting us all know? wow bro. that's kinda lame. Like I'm all up to worships and stuff but you don't got to be keeping secrets from us

AM: *sigh* okay you know what let's cut the crap and finally get down to business.

AM: what do you guys got to say about the meteors raining down from buttfuck nowhere, you know, somewhere our satellites somehow didn't notice it come from?

\-- tyrranyOsmosis [TO] responded to memo at 14:29 --

TO: wanna know what I think?

TO: I think it fukin blows some of the meteors reached into my family's part of Manhattan. And it also kinda blew up a large portion of explosive packages that were supposed to be shipped off somewhere in Asia but instead got destroyed by space rock collision.

SD: well its good to hear that no one was harmed during the incident

TO: oh no we lost a couple battalion of our finest men and some shipping company's workers that we paid for in advance but it shouldn't be that bad. Well I want to think so but Dad's ripping out his scalp at the thought of having lost like a couple billion over that.

TO: meanwhile me and bro aren't exactly affected much since we've got our own money racketeering business and trade operations to make our own money. Anyhow it blows fuckin balls cuz my old man's losing it and though distant we may be we're still one criminal family.

TO: also admiral does is gae I called it! XD

AM: and thank you for that very detailed explanation of your thoughts on the matter of hot steaming rocks wrecking our shit and why it sucks. Anyone else?

SD: 0o0 that's terrible! No one should ever go through such a horrible experience! No matter how bad they may be. Plus there's also the innocent shipping company workers who got involved. I'm sure they took on the job because they desperately needed the money to help their family!

SD: oh nooooo! ToT why did I think of that! Now all I'm going to be able to think about is how lonely their families are right now.... ToT oh its horrible why did I imagine it!!

TO: aaand that's why you should never be too attached to anyone doing you're bidding if you're gonna be a criminal. Just goes to show the torment it does to the soul. there there dawn. Its alright. Just think I was making up stuff like always *pat pat*

AM: °_° Okay.... what about you furry?

JF: well from what I got on my subreddit it sounds like two more places just got blown up Its disturbing how clear and detailed some of these pictures are like bro I get you doing photography but like you took a fresh pic just after it landed jeez louis still smoking and shit but yeah case in point it do not look pretty luck tho cuz it landed in Texan sand and not on any populated area

TE: hey how about you PF? What's your share in this conversation??

TO: remember what she told us about that one girl who flossed on live camera? The one who was apparently her cousin. Shit like that's enough to last a few more decades before it ever gets let down.

TE: oh shit u rite.

AM: ye that reasoning's valid. Pretty much smelt it earlier this morning while I was getting out of shower. Its gonna stick around.

PF: well she said thanks for the title and that was it. After that we texted for like two hours just to get her to calm down enough to actually start making some sense. And to also remember just what it was she did just in time to regret having done it right when we were finishing up our conversation.

SD: so hey guys! I just found the BEST music ever composed in the history of musical masterpieces. Its called [Everybody's Circulation](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DRQmEERvqq70&ved=2ahUKEwi63fue3L3pAhWWx4sBHeVmCFwQyCkwAHoECA0QBA&usg=AOvVaw1-BUyxVcCMc73bhuv39HW2) and I just can't get over how I didn't know about this up until now.

* * *

_and so they continued to talk about other random shit for the following eight hours..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah this is pretty much a set up work for an act 2 of sorts that I planned ahead with bare minimum effort. I'll probably just try to finish this quickly and then do the story properly via editing later on.
> 
> Maybe add in some other parts, some more conversation dialogue, edit out typos. Basically I'm too lazy to write this properly and am planning on writing this thing and posting as much as I can while the inspiration is still fresh in mind.


	4. Where are we?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small character introduction in somewhat more usual Homestuck manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fortunately this one was easy to write. Warning mostly terrible pacing ahead.

**_Sometime after the memo..._ **

**Captive?: Wake up and tell us how you're doing**

**You wake up feeling a little bit groggy and the first thing you notice is that you cant see anything and that you can't seem to move your hands.**

**Captive: try to find out where you are**

**It's DARK AND DAMP and it feels so WARM AND HUMID here. Wherever here even is. You don't know where you are and why you're bound to the chair you're sitting on. At the moment you feel SORE ALL OVER and you're starting to think that you maybe just got abducted by one of those street gangs across your place. You don't know how or why they're doing this but it seems like you pissed them off enough to rough you up pretty badly and decided to leave you naked all tied up and gagged on a chair. Oh and there's the breeze under your legs.**

**Captive: recount events prior to current predicament**

**Well the only thing you remember doing before all this was that you were going home from your trip to the GROCERY STORE. You were just buying some TOILET PAPER because you ran out of it two days ago. Well that and also some more food for your fridge. Bad boy had been empty for a long ass time and the stale crackers weren't very delectable. The quarantine isn't being very kind with everyone so far and it hasn't been let off yet so. Nevertheless you needed that box of two ply desperately and that desperation became your downfall.**

**Captive: try to break free of bindings**

**struggle as you might it doesn't seem that whatever's holding your appendages in place doesn't want to budge. Your gag is, fortunately, not very tight in it's grasp of your mouth and thus you are able to spit it out.**

**By gods you really hope you weren't stupid enough to leave a trace to anything incriminating. You really don't think you would want to be beatup and tossed just outside the police department. Last time something like this happened you were lucky to have gotten free and absconded as quick as hells.**

**Captive: try to call out for help and get out of there!**

**You don't think it'd be very wise to do just that. Your captors could hear you and just beat you senseless again. Now we wouldn't want that happening now would we?**

**You do choose to keep your ears sharp for any signs of aid that would come your way should you have remembered keeping your tracker on for your friends to find in case of emergency.**

**Captive: Be the other person in the room next door**

**You are now the person outside of the DARK ROOM. Specifically, you are a WILD LOOKING YOUNG LADY who's too busy standing around in her room LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL BADASS to actually give a damn about whatever is happening in the world right now. Also because for some reason you just happened to have gone under a quick trance when you stopped thinking about anything other than ABSOLUTELY WRECKING THY SHIT of whoever it was who was foolish enough to challenge your power and authority in the underworld.**

**Speaking of shitheads you managed to track that guy's phone all because he left himself open deliberately. All you needed to do was make sure the image of the tracker was paused on whoever was watching and nab the guy when he least expects it. Damn these fools are just about as DUMB as they LOOK.**

**Young Lady: introduce yourself**

**Your name is Leleine McLain but your friends usually just call you Mclain. You are the daughter of the HEAD HONCHO of a very large CRIME SYNDICATE . Your room is littered about with tons of ILLEGAL AS SHIT items and DEADLY WEAPONS. Your hobbies include WATCHING SHITTY ANIME, SCROLLING THROUGH r/BLURSED_IMAGES and HACKING INTO HIGH SECURITY SERVERS and PLAYING SOME OF THE BEST GAMES OF THE DECADE. You also have posters of some HEAVY METAL BANDS covering the eastern side of your room, some of which feature your Bro and his band all wearing ripped cowboy vests and white face paint that's underneath their very own matching shades. They look like ABSOLUTE CRAP and they perform much worse than they're looks would suggest. Alas your Bro is the one and only Bro in the world who could be absolutely crap yet be as fucking badass as you or even better if he ACTUALLY TRIED. In fact you along with your Bro are masters in the art of WRECKING SHIT and WREAKING HAVOC as well as the art of TAKING WHAT YOU WANT. Well versed in COMBAT and PERSUASIVE INTIMIDATION you are a great example of an up and coming legend in the field of CRIME.**

**Your Bro was the only one able to raise you as your FATHER was a right old bastard who couldnt be assed to hang with his kids and only ever bothered to give them things and money to go about and play with however they pleased. So naturally you and your Bro grew up together and competed in friendly sibling rivalry of who can impress your old man first and gain recognition amongst the criminal underworld's star masterminds, psychopaths, Drug Lords and the like.**

**Mclain: Pester your buddy TE and converse status of captive's shit**

**You stride towards your desk and throw yourself into your PRO GAMER CHAIR. Having the feeling of the luxury of the high quality leather under your ass is quite wonderful. Especially when you just finished getting an exercise from beating the SHIT out of the douche who ruined your relationship with your Bro. You click open on one of the chat terminals you left open, specifically travellingEpidemic's chat window. Looks like he's quieted down a bit. Well you guess its alright to talk to him now.**

* * *

**\-- tyrannyOsmosis [TO] began pestering travellingEpidemic [TE] --**

**TO: what's up dude you doin okay over there in west virginia?**

**TE: yep everything here's actually pretty peachy compared to the rest of the states right now. Like were still having trouble with internet issues due to the gravitational fluctuations caused by the sudden friction of electromagnetic force in the atmosphere being made by the meteors hitting our planet. Only bad news is that west Virginia finally fell. Our mountain lady has fallen victim to the unjust grasp of the virus's claws. But yeh we peachy**

**TO: oh cool so you know about that thing where I was just going off mad in the memo and arguing a bit with furry?**

**TE: which thing? you do know that you've been doing that since forever right?**

**TO: har har funny yeah no I meant that time I said some jackass sent me furry vore while I was busy impressing my Bro's friends? I was pretty much just accusing everyone of possibly having sent the damned thing???**

**TE: oh you mean that time when you were lashing out at everyone because you thought one of sent you yiff art. okay so what about it? Didja find out who it was? I'm betting you caught the guy and beat him up and tied him up naked to a chair in a dark room. like last time. remember?**

**TO: I don't do it ALL the time only when people piss me off so badly at the worst time imaginable**

**TO: I mean seriously tell me any other times I actually did just what you said. no seriously please do. I doubt that there's even any other**

**TE: dude I've seen the photos of each mamed, manhandled, and completely bruised people that you quite definitely traumatized for life. That time you said that one McDonald mascot looked at you funny and you thought it'd be a good idea to get them fired then you kept on taking apartment key for over two weeks while keying their car until they tried calling the cops. Remember when you showed his face covered in white powder and you drawn on his face a smile with his own blood? Fun times for everyone involved.**

**TE: and that was like two months before PF joined the group. Imagine if she saw those pics she'd freak out even more and probably even try to call the cops on you**

**TO: she won't I made sure that she'd forget everything she seen or heard. I noticed there was like that one time of the day she forgets a lot of what happens immediately after it happened.**

**TE: *gosp* why I didn't know you were the type to take advantage of other people's disability! I'm ashamed to think you a friend fiend! XD**

**TO: shut up it ain't like I'm actually doing anything wrong here am I?**

**TE: you mean aside from the new body bag you're about to unload in an alley somewhere gangster?**

**TO: I'm not gonna kill the guy... only hurt him real bad and teach him to not fuck with the McLain ever again**

**TE: and traumatize the guy into not eating anything for a week?**

**TO: yea planning on doing anything like that for now but thanks for reminding do just that for our friend**

**TE: okay well I gotta go my mom's calling downstairs. Gotta help her out with cooking and stuff later.**

**TO: later dude!**

**\-- tyrannyOsmosis [TO] ceased pestering travellingEpidemic [TE] --**

* * *

**Anyways where were we? Oh right the asshat you're planning on teaching a lesson. Hey speaking of asshats how come the guy hasn't tried breaking out yet?**

**Did he not get loose from the ropes you _deliberately_ tied loosely? oh wait no you did that to his gag... Okay why's he silent if he's probably already taken it off by now. You are now concerned that you think you probably went overboard with beating him up with a wrench. He did look like a scrawny lil guy but damn if he died from just that. **

**Mclain: take a look into the dark room**

**you take a peek and oh- yeah he's just been silent this whole time because he doesn't have his gag on. He was probably scared to hell at what was happening to him. Although he looks like he just got saved by his guardian angels or whatever his face immediately changes into one of recognition and then into downright terror. He starts trying to talk to you. Negotiate a way out of this and probably screw you over again the next time you meet. Too bad, you're not really the type to work with people other than your Bro. You look to your right, a table covered in a dark tarp. You pull it over and reveal a ton of torture implements, or as you'd prefer to call them, "Toys~". You're gonna be busy for the next few hours with this guy. Gotta make sure his lesson sticks with him otherwise his gonna be an idiot and call over all his friends for cavalry. Even if he did that they'd be nothing more than cattle. You've got your guns and other weapons in hand and as far as you know you're the only here in this damned town not too bothered by gore. You could always just rip them all apart. Just like the words that they told of the mighty DOOMGUY's mission. "RIP AND TEAR, UNTIL IT IS DONE" and by God are you gonna live those words until the day you go to hell!**


	5. Blue boi and TG the bootyhunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our crew of internet teens talk about rumored sightings of one John Egbert in a weird get up in Potsdam and a mention of a certain photographer's handle.
> 
> Also Joan being concerningly forgetful is concerning to... Two of her online friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another idea came, Huzzahs!

TE: and that is my list of reasons why I think that furry making an online yaoi monster dating visual novel is improbable and would likely cause seizures, asphyxiation, and likely become traumatized by the severely jpegged and dismembered dick "artwork" of our dear friend furry.

JF: so what you're saying is that just because I can't use my right hand to draw on my tablet while being on a hospital bed means that my artwork would be more plausible to make to sell as a mind breakingly great game that could sell more because it can be used to kill people?

TE: yes because I would love to buy whatever crappy game you can make just to send it to Dawn, say "hey play this awesome game- sike! die now!" and hope for the best that she doesn't end up flipping her tightly sealed lid and unleashing a smiting somehow ridiculously much worse than McLain's.

JF: yo hush baby boi I think saying her name summons her cuz lately she's been responding whenever her name's mentioned. She probably hacked her chat client to let her do more shit like letting her know when she's being summoned somewhere.

TE: wait she does what now?

\-- tyrannyOsmosis [TO] responded to memo --

JF: dude I warned you about her name bro, I told you dog

TO: okay no that's just absolute crap and I happen to have something come up just now so I thought about joining the memo and no I didn't hack my client all that much

TE: yo buddy what that be now?

TO: I just found like a couple a weird photos passed by some contacts of mine looks like that one Egbert guy from a while back but in blue pajamas and floating atop buildings over Potsdam I've been getting hackled by my peeps there about how we could turn that guy into profit and stuff but I'm more curious if the pics are real

SD: good you shouldn't be going around kidnapping people for ransom money. It isn't a very good tactic and it'd too low for a criminal of your standard. You shouldn't pick on people for anything and I'm glad that you didn't send your other friends after him. If those photos were real then he might have been away at the time of the meteor impact and was visiting a friend!

TO: dawn we love you but could you type less with your ass on the phone with your hands on your food while you eat and respond in a reasonable pace?

TO: also how the fuck was that dude able to get out of him and his dad's house during quarantine and visit New York for some dumb shit reason?? seriously is my Bro even paying attention to the border hagglers?? like I swear Bro would've charged the dude millions just to cross towns with protection either that guy snuck past us or he's actually loaded as all hell hopefully its the latter

JF: dude shut up you ain't the only one with leak pics of missing blue boi

JF: like I got em from one of the regulars of my reddit. some dude who goes by the handle TG, the same guy who took fresh meteor pics from around Texas.

TE: dude you got a personal clandestine reddit???

JF: heck yea mate I got all kinds of peeps working for me in my subreddit. tons of peeps who appreciate greatness in the field of art known only as crappy artisophistication. and nah the name ain't made up

SD: so you guys have photos of that missing guy? what're you going to do about it?

SD: Knowing TO I'd bet that she would do something outrageous like send a patrol group to try and stalk that guy around until she finds out if he really is the missing guy. What are you gonna do if he really is that guy TO?

TO: already sent a stalker patrol his way and I'm planning having his location sold to the FBI or some shmuck who thinks he's rich enough to pay me and my boys handsomely

TE: hey McLain why'd you decide to work with the feds? thought you were trying to not get caught?

TO:I am not working with the feds I just said that because it came into mind that maybe I could use this info as a peace offering for all the times I may or may not have raided one of their servers for no reason at all whatsoever

JF: bruh how you gonna plan on doing that when you probably wanted all across the states?

TO: easy I didn't let my personal info be stolen or copied and I was hacking their server with tons of other computers I hack all across the states and erased any trace of my hacking on the PCs I used so it's pretty much blamed on over a few hundred unfortunate souls

TE: we're friends but even I think that's a bit much don't cha think? cuz methinks that that was very unnecessary

SD: yeah! that wasn't very nice of you to do young lady! >:(

TO: okay _moooom_

TO: but yeah aiden how'd you get pics of blu boi when it's supposedly the same dude who got you a pic from way over Texas?

JF: hell if I know it _was_ like a few weeks back or something so maybe he's been hunting this guy like he was some sort of vampire hunter looking for some blu vampy boi booty. if he is hunting the dude then Godspeed to him cuz he's gonna be needing it what with the stalker patrol heading his way.

\-- admiralMisogynist [AM] responded to memo --

AM: or maybe he got it from a friend of his and posted it online. May I remind you that not every state is allowing just anyone to pass through.

\-- ponderingFigaro [PF] responded to memo --

PF: yeah what he said

SD: oh hey there you guys are! How was the game?

PF: remind me again to never challenge our supreme admiral ever again.

SD: OoO okay then!

AM: just remember that you don't use a sniper up close in close-quarters-combat. Emphasis on remember please. No one person uses a long range weapon during close confrontations. Either switch to a knife or a pistol and keep the volume up by a few to hear footsteps just make sure that you have stepped away quick enough to get a few shots in first to get an advantage at close range.

PF: duly noted Admiral. Say you guys aren't actually planning on messing with whoever that was. That'd be a big mess. Also you guys watched castlevania yet?

PF: its pretty awesome and I don't think I've suggested it before...

TE: aye

TO: yeet

JF: yep pretty much

AM: For the fourth time yes

SD: 0_0 erhm...

PF: wowsers all at the same time and so well synchronized. I really should get this memory issue fixed shouldn't I?

TE: this is just sad

TO: LMFAOTTMAB HOLY SHIT XD I TOLD YOU GUYS I FUCKIN TOLD YOU HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!

JF: *facepalm of extreme disappointment*

AM: This stopped being funny the third time

SD: 0_0 erhmx2combo...

PF: how many times have we had this conversation already????

TO: not enough buckaroo not enough! X'D

PF: *GROAAAAAAAN* this is stupid!

TO: I'm wheezing and dying here! X'D

TO: oh buddy this is going to be a long few minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took long because I thought an exercise thingamajig my roommates brought was a toy. Sufficed to say I got as shredded as much as I could being a huge ass marshmallow. Not a lot.


End file.
